I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
