tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i came on her dog
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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