yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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