my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
