she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
