I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
