Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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