I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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