Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
