You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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