you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
