so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
