So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
