as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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