Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
