dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
