i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
