I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
