so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
