that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
