first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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