Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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