The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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