The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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