i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry about my life...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
