seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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