So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
