Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
