If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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