I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
