my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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