Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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