you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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