dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
