the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
