dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
