Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
