my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
