you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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