I think I died a long time ago.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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