hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
