Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
