Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
