I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
