we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
