when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And then he peed in my hair
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