Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
