This is not my ceiling
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
