I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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