i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
