who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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